My kid is an asshole – Maybe She Isn’t the Problem Though
Well, my kid is an asshole. She can be a dick too. She’s that kid that will push you to the brink of exhaustion and frustration, then look you right in the eye and say “you are my bestest friend Mama” (
adorable right?? Ulterior motive)
As I wrote that last paragraph she had;
- Screamed about wanting her 5th yogurt of the day (it’s 8:30am and she woke up an hour ago)
- Told me she had a secret which she then proceeded to scream it in my ear (cute)
- Got completely naked and yelled from her room that she doesn’t have any underwear (lie, there are about 20 pairs in her designated underwear bucket)
- Walked in on her sister peeing (not by accident, she watched her sister walk in and shut the door)
- Told me she has a vagina
- Last but not least, tried to ninja chop me in the thigh because I, again, denied her request for a yogurt
While I now know I am, in fact, the faster ninja out of the two of us… I also know she’s still being asshole-ish.
There are Facebook groups dedicated to children like mine. Mothers Against Asshole Children (MAAK), Raising your Feral Child, etc. They have constant conversations about what their kids do, things that have helped and things that make it worse. I have stooped to the level of joining these groups and seeing if it helps.. it doesn’t. She’s still a butthead. I have read books – so many books. I have asked parents, friends, grandparents, anyone who would listen to me whine about my kid.
What I have learned is, apparently, I have spoiled her
a little a lot! She is my last child, my forever baby, my youngest and the child we were forced to wait 3 years to have. Can you blame me?! Of course we spoil our kids. Of course we let them get away with things here and there.
The only thing that has helped my wonderful, darling daughter has been to put more responsibility on her shoulders. She has more chores around the house, she has things that she helps me with when I am cleaning, she has special ‘jobs’ to do when we go shopping (she holds the shopping list, I am legitimately shocked but it works just long enough for me to get the groceries and get the fuck out of there). Yes, we having more arguments about how she does, in fact, need to clean her room she is slowly getting the point that Mama rules the roost. I have had to hand out more time outs, and be more stern with her (like, every 5 minutes but that’s besides the point)
The point I am trying to make is… any problems we have with our children… we have to look at ourselves first. As parents we cannot be perfect. We will screw up. We will forget the lunches and have to drive them into school, we will forget to brush their teeth sometimes and “forget” about that dance class Saturday morning because we just want to sleep the hell in!
What we try to do is fix our child, fix the problem they are having and when we can’t, we feel like we have failed. The truth is, we probably have failed. Their problem that we see in their behaviour could really be our problem and to “fix” them is to fix how you parent.
I know she loves me. I know she has a kind heart. I know she is caring, sensitive and has a good soul. But none of this helps when she’s being a devil. And she still is a devil a lot of the time. But after figuring out that I have maybe screwed the pooch, she is showing her caring, sensitive and soulful side far more often. So we continue, fighting about yogurt, agreeing that yes, you do in fact have a vagina, and helping her find the underwear that are right in front of her face.
My kid is an asshole, but I am too.
And we are the bestest of friends.